The Gay Uchiha
by underwrldqueen
Summary: Have you ever wondered if the great Uchiha Sasuke was gay? The village of Konoha sure has! Now that he’s back, news has spread that he is a HOMO! He will need the help of Sakura to prove them wrong, but will she accept? Or laugh in his face? [SasuSaku]
1. Our Hero Rock Lee!

**The Gay Uchiha**

**by: Underwrldqueen**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto, blah blah blah…

Summary: Have you ever wondered if, well, the great Uchiha Sasuke was gay? The village of Konoha sure has! Now that he's back, everyone thinks he's gay! He will need the help of Sakura to prove them wrong, but will she accept? Or laugh in his face?

A/N: By the way, this isn't a Yaoi. I'm completely a supporter of Sasuke x Sakura.

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A raven-haired boy, about the age of 16, strolled down the road, as happy as ever would be. Sasuke had finally attained his number one goal, and with it, taken down an S-class criminal that has been terrorizing Konoha for years. Now all of this brought him down to his second goal, of resurrecting his clan. That was his reason for returning to the small and humble Leaf Village.

-

He needed to find a girl.

-

No, scratch that, all he needed to do is _stroll_ into Konoha. His fan girls would be _flying_ at him, of coarse. To think that maybe all these years his fan girls would still be clawing at him, it made him sick. He wished they would stop bothering him. Pesky women.

(A/N: BWAHAHAHAHA!)

So Sasuke went on strolling on. He finally reached the village. As he was walking, people started to stare and whisper.

'_Is that Uchiha Sasuke?'_

'_That traitor is back!'_

'_Ohhh squeals it's Uchiha Sasuke-kun!'_

'_Why did he come back? Did he kill Itachi?'_

'_Gee, he's even hotter than before!'_

Whisper, whisper, whisper.

The Uchiha sighed. Things were just as they were before.

Then he heard it, the rumbling footsteps of…FANGIRLS!

"Oy, Sasuke-kuuun, we didn't know you were back!"

"I'm sure you're tired Sasuke-kun, you can stay at my place!"

"You are so HOT, Sasuke-kun! Come here! Look behind you!"

"Look here! Look here!" (sweatdrop)

Sasuke _was _tired from the long journey. So, he ducked into the first place he came to. He collapsed and sat down. Breathing heavily, he looked around. It was dark, with flashy lights all around. It seemed to be a bar, because it smelled strongly of liquor. Lots of guys were dancing to the horrendous beat. Many, many, guys.

Wait. Guys? All guys.

-

"Sasuke-san, is that you? I thought I would never see you're complete youthfulness again!"

Sasuke found the voice familiar to his horror. Then he was embraced by something _green._ Green, green, green.

Before he could even say "Lee", the door of the bar burst open.

"Sasuke-kuuun, you can come—"

A bunch of girls gasped. Some fainted in horror.

Lee was still hugging Sasuke, and was completely oblivious to the crowd of envious girls.

"Oh Sasuke-san, I missed your youthfulness so much!" cried Lee.

-

The girls blinked. Then they blinked again.

"Oh my gosh, Sasuke-kun is GAY!"

(A/N: I have absolutely nothing against gays. I just wanted to make an interesting story. So no flames about that! I respect gays and their gender preferences, so don't take this wrong!)

-

"My sweet, handsome, Sasuke-kun, tell me this isn't so!"

-

"Ahhh! Sasuke-kun is gay!"

"I knew it! Ever since he kissed Naruto, he's been weird!"

"I've always wondered why he never went out with such a pretty girl like me!"

"He rejected us all! This must be the reason why!"

"He _is_ in a _gay_ bar." pointed out a girl.

The girls gasped again.

-

"Lets go tell everyone!" said another.

Sasuke watched in horror.

**Bwahaha.**

'Who the fuck are you?'

**I'm you, of coarse!**

…

**By the way, you're still holding on to _your lover._**

What? Ew no!

Sasuke roughly pushed Fuzzy Eyebrows away.

"Lee! You never told me this was A GAY BAR!" yelled Sasuke, complete with famous Uchiha Death Glare.

"What, Sasuke-san, you don't like the youthfulness of such a happy bar?" Lee was shocked.

**Youthfulness? Happy bar? Now that's a REALLY, REALLY, gay guy.**

"Ugh. You. Don't. Get. It."

**Now, now, I think he perfectly gets that he is a HOMOSEXUAL!**

'Shut up!'

**Make me, you gay Uchiha.**

'Shut up.'

**Remember, I AM YOU, you gay boy.**

_Sharingan._

…(due to explicit violence, this scene has been cut out)…

-

-

"SAKURA-CHAAN!" yelled the blonde ninja obnoxiously.

"What!?" replied the annoyed, pink haired nurse. She was currently very busy with paperwork.

"Lets go out for ramen!"

"No."

"Awww, why not?"

"Can't you see I'm busy, Naruto?"

"Nope."

"…"

"C'mon, you need a break Sakura! You've been working too hard lately. Even Hinata-chan is worried about you."

Sakura thought about it. Naruto was right. She's been too stressed out lately, with paperwork and injured ninjas to tend to.

"Ok, fine, but just this once. I guess I do need a break…"

"Yay!"

So off they went to the ramen stand!

-

Sakura had a great time with Naruto and Hinata. She hasn't felt so happy since...ever, really. It felt good to just relax and have fun.

They were chatting away (well, Sakura and Hinata were, Naruto was just stuffing his face) when a bunch of scary looking girls came rushing past, crying out something hard to understand…

"Sasuke-kun is GAAAAY!"

"Sasuke-kun is **GAAAAY!"**

"Sasuke-kun is **_GAAAAAY!_**"

The ramen lady fainted.

Naruto stopped eating. (Now _that's_ news.)

Hinata said "Holy crap!"

And poor Sakura threw herself into the nearest trash bin.

Oh, the horror.


	2. Banana Peel, Anyone?

Thanks for all your reviews!

Anyway, wow, many of you want Sasuke to suffer? Haha, I'll make sure of that.

Please review and give me feedback! (How to make it better, new ideas, etc.) REVIEW!

Oh yeshh, Sunnii Imperial, I would super like a shiny cookie! (Is it edible though?)

Anyway, here we go into another chapter. By the way, Lee isn't gay. He is still madly in love with Sakura! See, he's just confused about the "gay" bar. He thinks it's a "happy" bar. Oh, the youthful innocence of our spandex wearer!

**The Gay Uchiha**

by** underwrldqueen**

**sasuke/sakura**

* * *

Sakura, still stuck in the trash bin… 

'Did I just hear them correctly?'

**Aww, is Sakura-chan disappointed now that she can't have her precious Sasuke-kun?**

'…'

**Haha! I'm right ne?**

'…'

**Yes! Just admit it! You're still MADLY in love with that jerk!**

'Ha.'

'…**?'**

'Haha! Hahaha. Hahahaha!'

'**Sakura…?'**

'HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!'

'**What's so funny…' O.o**

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!"cackled Sakura.

"I must take revenge on dear ol' Sasuke, ne?"

So up she went, along with the trash bin on her head. Hinata was still cursing loudly, while Naruto _poured the rest of his ramen down the drain_, mumbling something about "Orochimaru", "pedophile", "Michael Jackson", and "Barney."

Watch out Sasuke! Trash Bin Girl is on the loose.

-

-

This was going terribly wrong. Horribly, devastatingly, wrong. How was he going to restore his clan? By now, every female in town (and some men) think he's a homo!

**Che, you asked for it, gaylord. "Pesky women", remember?**

Noooooooooooooo!

Sasuke clawed at his hair, then at his beautiful, beautiful, face.

**You better fix this, Sasuke-_kun_. If this keeps going on, "we" aren't going to be "gettin' any" for ages! I'm going to die a virgin!**

'How do you think _I_ feel? All my manly pride is gone!'

**So is mine, dumbass!**

'You never had any to begin with.'

'...'

**OMGee look, a bear that looks like Itachi!**

Sasuke looked.

Inner Sasuke runs away

'No, thats not an Itachi-looking bear...its a trash bin...'

'What, wait, a trash bin? Running, running, toward...me.'

The walking trash bin was getting closer and closer...

It was talking too! Wow.

What is it saying?

"Sasuke! You jerk! I'm going to kill you!" cried a very, very, wait, did I mention VERY angry pink haired ninja.

'Oh shit.'

As yet again, he was still very tired, and so he ducked into the closest building.

"Sasuke-san! We meet again!" cried a tearful Lee.

He was yet again the same gay bar as before.

'Greaat. Back to square one.'

"Hn." Grunted Sasuke.

Suddenly, the door burst open. Standing there was no one other than the Trash Bin Girl. Sasuke let out a manly "Eeep!" and jumped into the waiting arms of Spandex Boy.

"Sasuke..." growled the trash bin.

Lee cowered in fear. Who was this frightful creature?

It was stepping (stomping) closer and closer toward the two boys. The two boys just stood there, frozen in fear. Closer and closer came the Trash Bin Girl.

"Oh Sasuke-_kun_, don't be afraid! I won't hurt you...come here!" The trash bin wagged a finger at Sasuke, gesturing him to come over.

Sasuke wouldn't budge.

"Stay away from us, you ugly unyouthful trash bin!" cried Lee.

"What. Did. You. Say, Fuzzy Brows?" growled Sakura menacingly.

"Eeep!" squealed Lee. He quickly dropped Sasuke and ran away.

"Ow! Gee, atleast you can have the decency to _lay me down gently_ like a gentleman!" Yelled Sasuke in a high pitched voice. He crossed his arms, turned his head and let out a "Humph!"

"Men huh?" asked the trash bin.

"Yup. I can't stand them! They are such jerks!" Sasuke said, while throwing up his arms to emphasize how _horrible _guys were.

"I know how you feel. I mean, there once was this guy who I liked," said the trash bin, "and then he went off and betrayed us to be with this homo snake man."

"Gee, that sucks. Never knew you had it that bad. You should get revenge!" said Sasuke. He felt bad for his fellow trash can friend.

"I know! I should! Oh man, when I lay my hands on him, he'll be sooo sorry..."rambled on the trash bin.

Wait. He was having a normal conversation with a trash bin. A GIRLY conversation with a trash bin. A GIRLY conversation with thee trash bin that was, a moment ago, after his life. Uh oh.

As Sakura went rambling on, Sasuke took the opportunity to sneak out. Unfortunately, Sakura dragged the trash in with her, so he slipped on a banana peel and went crashing on top of the trash bin. Luck was _definitely _on his side. Yup.

"Ow..." it said, while rubbing its head. Its bubblgum pink head. Sasuke only knew one person with pink hair. Sakura?

Apparently, the trash bin, due to the crash, slipped off of her head and crawled away for its dear life.

Whew, it's only Sakura. Her life revolves around me anyway, so I'm safe from that scary trash bin!

**Or so you think. **

"Sakura, get off of me, you're heavy." Grunted Sasuke.

"Oh, sorry Sasuke..." mumbled Sakura sheepishly. She had snapped back out of her little psycho moment.

**Or so you think.**

A few moments passed, and yet Sakura was still on top of Sasuke.

"Sakura, you're still on me. Get off."

"Oh, yea. Ok." Sakura stood up, dusting off. Where was that darn trash bin?

Now Sasuke got a full profile of the new Sakura. She was pretty cute, he had to admit, with all the curves in just the right places. Damn, she was hot!

**You perverted girly-man.**

"Sasuke? Are you ok?" asked Sakura worriedly.

Sasuke blushed prettily, looking away. He was going to **kill** that banana peel!

"I'm fine." he said, still not looking at Sakura.

"Fine, Sasuke, suit yourself. I'm going now! I'm late for a very important date!" Sakura turned her heel to leave. Wait. Sasuke? Where was that loving _kun?_

"Where are you going?" asked Sasuke. **A DATE???**

**Jealous, are we, girly man?**

'Shup up.'

**Make me.**

'Shup up!'

**Moo. **

'I'm not going to have this conversation with you again, cow.'

**Your mooooom.**

'Oh no you didn't just insult my mommy!'

Sakura watched in confusion as Sasuke kept mumbling incoherent things to himself.

"Sasuke, I'm going now. Ja ne!" Off she went, down the yellow brick road.

Sasuke whirled around. "Wait!" he called.

Too late. There is only one thing left to do.

Follow her!

**Follow her!**

(A/N: cough STALKER cough Sorry, I seem to be catching a cold...)

**Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road, **

**Follow, FOLLOW, **follow**, _follow, _follow the yellow brick road!**

"We're off to see the wizard! The wonderfully youthful wizard of Konoha!"

Greaaat.

FUZZY BROWS IS BACK!

Gee, this is going to be some adventure.

**Moo.**

Don't take that tone with me, cow.

**Moo.**

Shup up!

**Your FACE.**

Anyway...

* * *

Naruto and Hinata...5 hours later... 

"AHAHHAHAHAHAHA! That teaches that Sasuke-teme a lesson!" Naruto howled with laughter, clutching his stomach.

"Naruto-kun, you shouldn't laugh at other people's misery..." said Hinata quietly, while trying hard to stiffle her laughter.

"But he sooo deserves it! This will teach him a lesson!" Naruto kept on laughing, tears forming in his eyes.

"I-I wonder if he really is...g-gay..." Hinata inquired. She was as curious as everyone else was.

Naruto stopped laughing. Could it be true? Maybe that teme really _was_ gay, I mean, c'mon, when he kissed him, felt like-

A loud, angry voice interjected his thoughts. "Dont even go there, dobe." The Uchiha glared menacingly at Naruto.

"Oh hey Sasuke-teme! Hehe, whatcha been up to? Long time no see! (4 years, exactly...)" Naruto rubbed his head sheepishly while avoiding eye contact with the scary Uchiha. Then his eye caught something green. He looked up. LEE!

"Naruto-san! How good to see you! I trust it that you have been staying youthful?" inquired the spandex wearer excitedly.

Sasuke sighed. Lee invited himself to go and stalk Sakura with him. It was going well untill the yellow brick road stopped...it turned green! So they wandered aimlessly, while Lee blabbered on and on about the poems he made for Sakura. It was hell to go through. Luckily (?) Sasuke spotted Naruto and Hinata at the ramen stand.

"Oy, Naruto, have you seen Sakura around?" This might be his only hope. Wow, thats sure sad.

"Uh...she was here a moment ago..." Where was Sakura anyway? She was eating ramen with them, then poof! She turns into a garbage bin and runs away. Jeez. That ditcher.

"Oh, my beautiful cherry blossom Sakura is lost forever!" cried Lee, lines of tears flowing down his face.

"Why are you looking for her, teme? Can I come? I could help you find her!" Naruto was excited. Another adventure!

"No."

"Awww, c'mon please?"

"No."

"I'm her friend too!"

"No."

"Moo!"

"No. Wait. What? Moo??"

"Moo!"

Sasuke blinked. Naruto turned into a cow. WTF!

* * *

Ok, anyway, after all of that was cleared up... 

Sasuke stealthily escaped from his crazy former comrades. He had to find Sakura...and what she is up to. He was walking aimlessly when he heard two voices.

"You shouldn't worry me like that!" Sasuke assumed that was Sakura.

"Hn. You have no need to worry." That voice sounded awfully familiar...

Sasuke peeked around the gates. Sakura was sitting with someone on the porch of a grand estate, bandaging their arm.

"Sakura...," the voice sounded uncertain, "how are you?"

"I'm fine! Whats with your sudden worry, Neji-kun?" Neji-_kun???_ Sasuke became a little ticked off. It was his arch nemisis after all.

"He's back." It was clear who he was referring to.

"Neji-kun, I've told you this already. I'm completely over him!" Sakura protested.

"Are you sure?" Neji _needed_ to make sure. This was his chance.

"Yes." Fury clouded her eyes now. Everyone still thought she was that weak little girl, who was overly obsessed with Sasuke. Not anymore, Konoha!

"I figured out he is just a selfish, egoistical, self centered bastard." Sakura said this cooly and calmly.

Sasuke went rigid. Was he hearing right? It felt like she slapped him in the face.

Neji pondered this for a moment. Now or never.

" Sakura..." Neji looked straight into her eyes.

"...I've been meaning to ask you this for a while. Gooutwithme." The last part came out slurred together. Sakura looked confused.

Sasuke felt rage boiling within him. No, this was _not_ suppose to happen. Nuh uh. No wayyyy. Sakura better not accept. He was going to make sure.

"Um, I'm sorry, I didnt quite catch that..." Neji took a deep breath and started again.

"Well, I was just wondering if-"

"AHHHHHH!!!! OH DEAR GOD THE PAIN!!!!!!!!!"

"Oh my gosh, whose that?" Sakura quickly got up to follow the voice. Neji sighed. Just my luck.

"Sasuke?" Neji's ears perked up. Him? _Now?_ What was he doing here? Was he eavesdropping on their conversation? He quickly got up to follow Sakura.

Sasuke was laying on the ground, doubled over and screaming (unconvincingly) in pain.

Sakura looked at him skeptically. The GREAT Uchiha Sasuke...screaming like a girl? Something was fishy here. Damn banana peels.

"S-Sakur-a...," cried Sasuke weakly,"...help me..." He groaned in agony, clutching his stomach. His beautiful, beautiful face was contorted in pain.

Sakura could not resist. She finally fell for it.

"Sasuke, are you alright? Can you stand?" asked the pink haired medic-nin worriedly. She forgot all about taking revenge.

**Or so you think.**

Sasuke shook his head. Of coarse he couldnt walk! How could he possibly, in his horrible state? He would have to be helped by someone!

**You sly dog.  
**

"You can't? Ok, I'll get you some help." Ahh, yes. Sasuke almost grinned at the thought of a heart broken Neji as he watched his beloved Sakura "help" his arch nemisis.

"Neji-kun! Can you carry Sasuke back to the hospital?" asked Sakura sweetly.

twitch

Neji and Sasuke: "WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!"

* * *

Oh no, is this the end for our little gay Uchiha? 

Stay tuned! How would people react? Yay. Anyway, sorry I'm not terribly funny. But I try. So deal. XD

Oh, and sorry I got off topic. I was going to end it sooner, but I kept on typing. Bleh. I'll fix it later. REVIEW!

Please Review! The more reviews, the happier I am, the better I write, the sooner I update, the happier YOU are. Win/Win!

:D

♥underwrldqueen


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